I doubt that I have seen how to resolve this issue for anyone, but I believe I may have seen why no one likes predestination. That's a big step forward for me. :-)
[Please keep in mind that I am looking at the ugly underbelly of predestination here. This is an inaccurate representation of the doctrine, but I believe it to be a faithful telling of the misrepresentation it often receives.]
The predestination taught by wonderfully logical men who have searched the bible from cover to cover sometimes sounds awful. The Father communed with the Son and Spirit, and decided to create x-billion people, then damn 90+% of them for not believing in Him. That's pretty ugly. Of course, it's scriptural to one degree or another, but so is _______ (I'll let you fill in this blank - I don't want to seem to pick on anyone's pet doctrine. ;-)
That's hard for the 90% to accept. God threw some dice (then He controlled the way they fell) and if your name didn't come up in His book of life, then you're just out of luck. You never did anything wrong. "Nothing" had not even been created yet, and already the Lamb's book of life was fully complete, but your name was excluded. And now God dangles promises in front of your nose about anyone who believes being saved, but you're not so allowed. Your name is not there.
But, it's just as hard to accept for the 10%.
We want to be loved, but in this teaching we are mere lottery winners. God decided to love 10% of x-billion people, and we were just in that 10%. He doesn't love us. He loves .1*x billion humans, and we happened to be born in the right skin.
But that's not how He made us. We cannot be made happy like that.
Imagine the following novel. A girl sits at home, waiting to be courted and loved. Just then comes a knock at the door. When she opens it, a man is there. She's not quite sure what to make of him, until he blows pixie dust in her face. Suddenly and irresistably she is compelled to fall in love with him. And they lived happily ever after.
They may live happily ever after, but our hearts break. There is a violence to that story that we cannot endure.
Every love story that touches our hearts is about courting. We want to see someone drawn with cords of a man, and bands of love; not thumped on the head, and carried to bed. There has to be a moment when their eyes first meet, and then they find each other special, and finally they decide being together is worth overcoming whatever obstacles dare try to keep them apart.
The love that might be forced on the unsuspecting is no love at all. It is mere mastery.
Doctrinaire predestination writes a story of mastery. It is one thing to write a story that gives all glory to God, but quite another to write one that makes His glory so great it's appalling to His lovers. God forbid anyone should make the salvation romance abhorrent.
So, what do you think? Have I captured the essence of the things that drive you from predestination? Or is it something else? BTW, I am asking here about those presuppositions you bring with you to scripture, more than about what you find after you get there.
Looking forward to your thoughts.