There's an old anecdote:
It is said that Abraham Lincoln, when he was President of the U.S., was advised to include a certain man in his cabinet.
When he refused, Lincoln was asked why he would not accept the man. "I don't like his face," the President replied.
"But the poor man isn't responsible for his face," responded his advocate.
"Every man over forty is responsible for his face," said Lincoln.
As I look at this election, I care that Obama looks like a bit more of a socialist than McCain. But, I still remember the days when Republicans everywhere rejected McCain as a liberal socialist, too. And I care that McCain has some gravel in his gut that Obama won't have for a few more years. But, I know the job just might forge Obama into something great, too.
I know everyone's up in arms about having two such terrible candidates, but I really think these are two of the best candidates we've had in a while. I think there's a real chance either of these candidates could really make a positive difference in their areas of concern. I do like McCain's areas of concern better than Obama's. And I have a definite leaning to the right, anyway.
Still, I had my doubts.
Watching these videos was an, "Every man over forty is responsible for his face," moment for me, though. These videos moved me past my doubts. Obama ain't funny. Oh, his jokes are cute, and he has a presence, but given the opportunity to have some fun he takes no risks. Given the opportunity to join in play with his audience, he plays along instead. McCain jumps in the mud and starts slinging it. As I watched these videos, I really, really liked McCain's face. I'd love to see that man leading this country.
Watch these videos and tell me whether you see him differently. Or whether you just think it's silly to make big decisions over little things.
Obama Part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EF_QNJAYxg
Obama Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SkFjTCscM4
McCain Part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdWeqiyn3zQ
McCain Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1Ishs8QSUM
Oh, and I'm really sorry I'm not really blogging any more. Some months life just gets a bit busier than others.
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
29 October, 2008
14 August, 2008
We've Been Pronouncing It Wrong!
Eureka!
Some of you will recall that I've been obsessed with the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything for some decades now. It is the very question which Douglas Adams' fictional computer, Deep Thought, was brilliantly and successfully invented to answer. Deep Thought's answer, though, was as inscrutable as the question itself.
Deep Thought told them the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything was, "42."
The philosophical conniptions Mr. Adams imagined as a result of this one little answer filled a book and more.
But, you see, that's the very problem. Mr. Adams wrote a book, so we never got to hear the answer as spoken by Deep Thought its very self. Had we heard those words from its own sub-woofers, we'd have understood everything!
I was toodling along this afternoon when a car had to merge from two lanes over. It was an interesting car mostly in that it made a Mini-Cooper look like an SUV. I really hadn't previously realized you could make a roller skate street-legal, but the owner of this ... whatever it was .. obviously had looked the regs over a little more closely than me.
In fact, the roller skate could seat two people. I know this, because his license plate said so, plainly, for all the world to see, Four 2.
That was when I saw it. Or rather, heard it.
"For two."
Deep Thought never said, "Forty-two." He surely must have said, "For two" and some stenographer wrote it down in a messed up kind of shorthand that wasn't phonetically based like all rational shorthand must be, and we were left to pick up the pieces for all time. (And, of course, the world would not be here at all if it weren't for that mistake, but we'll not go there.)
Look at the universe around you and tell me it isn't for two!
Right down to the Creator and His bride. :-)
Some of you will recall that I've been obsessed with the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything for some decades now. It is the very question which Douglas Adams' fictional computer, Deep Thought, was brilliantly and successfully invented to answer. Deep Thought's answer, though, was as inscrutable as the question itself.
Deep Thought told them the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything was, "42."
The philosophical conniptions Mr. Adams imagined as a result of this one little answer filled a book and more.
But, you see, that's the very problem. Mr. Adams wrote a book, so we never got to hear the answer as spoken by Deep Thought its very self. Had we heard those words from its own sub-woofers, we'd have understood everything!
I was toodling along this afternoon when a car had to merge from two lanes over. It was an interesting car mostly in that it made a Mini-Cooper look like an SUV. I really hadn't previously realized you could make a roller skate street-legal, but the owner of this ... whatever it was .. obviously had looked the regs over a little more closely than me.
In fact, the roller skate could seat two people. I know this, because his license plate said so, plainly, for all the world to see, Four 2.
That was when I saw it. Or rather, heard it.
"For two."
Deep Thought never said, "Forty-two." He surely must have said, "For two" and some stenographer wrote it down in a messed up kind of shorthand that wasn't phonetically based like all rational shorthand must be, and we were left to pick up the pieces for all time. (And, of course, the world would not be here at all if it weren't for that mistake, but we'll not go there.)
Look at the universe around you and tell me it isn't for two!
Right down to the Creator and His bride. :-)
04 May, 2008
Good Luck!
Have you ever wished a brother in Christ good luck, only to be lectured on how luck is no part of a Christian's life?
Sigh.
You know? Who am I to argue, I guess? But into what kind of bind does that force God? I play tennis, and it's traditional with the first serve to wish your opponent good luck. What should I say instead?
"May God grant you the grace to crush the living snot out of me during this match."
"And may His divine sovereignty fix the outcome of this match such that we both reach the eternal benificence of His holy presence due to His providential ordering of all things."
"And since the outcome of this match is ordered in the eternal counsels of I AM that I AM from before the creation of light itself (6,012.5 years ago), let's just go for a prayer-jog on a treadmill and get a beer - I mean lemonade."
It's amazing how some Christians, like me, lose so many opportunities to be a real and living testimony for God. It might change the match a little bit to start it like that, but it might change the eternal destiny of the person against whom I'm playing.
No wait.
His eternal destiny would be something ordained before the dawn of time, too, wouldn't it?
Hmmm. So telling him, "Good luck," probably won't damn my opponent to hell after all.
Hmmm.
And it would be a lot quicker, so we could get down to playing tennis.
But, no! God's eternal plans rely upon His ordaining of human means. So, I have to give the slightly longer greeting in order to make sure that all possible means have been exercised in case he might be one of the elect of God, and the means appointed to his salvation include the revelation this very day in his heart that luck is a pagan concept toppled before a living Deity like Dagon was toppled before the Ark of the Covenant.
And the longer traditional greeting might lull my opponent into thinking I'm afraid to serve, which might give me the mental edge - and I love being mentally edged.
But everyone knows that God does not order anything He has not revealed in His holy word. So, maybe I should use something straight out of scripture, and out of the mouth of one of the holy saints, like, "Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well."
Maybe not that one.
"I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied. This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel."
Or maybe I'll keep looking.
---
Good luck understanding this post.
Sigh.
You know? Who am I to argue, I guess? But into what kind of bind does that force God? I play tennis, and it's traditional with the first serve to wish your opponent good luck. What should I say instead?
"May God grant you the grace to crush the living snot out of me during this match."
"And may His divine sovereignty fix the outcome of this match such that we both reach the eternal benificence of His holy presence due to His providential ordering of all things."
"And since the outcome of this match is ordered in the eternal counsels of I AM that I AM from before the creation of light itself (6,012.5 years ago), let's just go for a prayer-jog on a treadmill and get a beer - I mean lemonade."
It's amazing how some Christians, like me, lose so many opportunities to be a real and living testimony for God. It might change the match a little bit to start it like that, but it might change the eternal destiny of the person against whom I'm playing.
No wait.
His eternal destiny would be something ordained before the dawn of time, too, wouldn't it?
Hmmm. So telling him, "Good luck," probably won't damn my opponent to hell after all.
Hmmm.
And it would be a lot quicker, so we could get down to playing tennis.
But, no! God's eternal plans rely upon His ordaining of human means. So, I have to give the slightly longer greeting in order to make sure that all possible means have been exercised in case he might be one of the elect of God, and the means appointed to his salvation include the revelation this very day in his heart that luck is a pagan concept toppled before a living Deity like Dagon was toppled before the Ark of the Covenant.
And the longer traditional greeting might lull my opponent into thinking I'm afraid to serve, which might give me the mental edge - and I love being mentally edged.
But everyone knows that God does not order anything He has not revealed in His holy word. So, maybe I should use something straight out of scripture, and out of the mouth of one of the holy saints, like, "Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well."
Maybe not that one.
"I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied. This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel."
Or maybe I'll keep looking.
---
Good luck understanding this post.
15 January, 2008
I KNEW It!
I'm returning back to the hotel room, and I click the "up" elevator button. The left hand elevator is on 7 and headed up. The right hand elevator is at G2 (2 levels below me) and not moving. The brain in the elevator system lets the left hand elevator continue to 8, stop there, unload, and come back down rather than send the right elevator up 2 floors.
I've long suspected the elevator brains were whacked, but due to someone's short-sighted honesty in telling us where the elevators actually are we can see it for a fact. The elevator in my parking garage is at least this stupid. I have watched one elevator door close, hit the button, and ridden the same elevator like 7 hours later when it finally gets back.
What must the programmers of these "convenience" devices be thinking?
I've long suspected the elevator brains were whacked, but due to someone's short-sighted honesty in telling us where the elevators actually are we can see it for a fact. The elevator in my parking garage is at least this stupid. I have watched one elevator door close, hit the button, and ridden the same elevator like 7 hours later when it finally gets back.
What must the programmers of these "convenience" devices be thinking?
30 September, 2007
In Which I Wander Aimlessly and Really Say Very Little
My boy and I were talking. It was a nice night.
I got to talking about an older couple I saw pull into a video store, and how when they were born they might not even have had a television. Now they can waste their lives watching any movie they want at any time. (The thing that blew him away was that there was a time when to see a movie you HAD to catch it in the theater. If you missed its two week run, you might NEVER see it. He could hardly imagine what that was like.) So, we got to talking about the ancient of days, or maybe just the senior of days, I guess.
He is working at a major department store as a cashier, and he has been getting a chuckle out of learning that I'm almost the last person on earth who writes checks. Fewer than 2% of his customers write checks.
He says, "Do you know what a check means to me? It means an 'R.'"
He scores a G when he beats the time limit for the transaction, and an R when he fails. It is impossible to "make" the time limit when the customer chooses to write a check.
I laughed out loud to find out the main thing I mean to the average youth of today is guaranteed ... failure.
Not that I'm anachronistic or anything.
And I wear a fedora no less.
And take it off upon entering a building.
There's no hope for me.
The other chuckle came when he pointed out that native languages are dying at the rate of 2 per week, and the rate is accelerating. Now to me, that means that the end is near as we close back in upon the state of man that led to Babel. And I'm already leary of how the Internet is drawing us all so much closer together. Even as I sit here typing, I can't help but think, "No good will come of this."
If only I believed in the basic goodness of man, but I don't. I believe that if you let 6 billion people all communicate freely, they will just come up with some new way to exploit each other and a significant minority of them will find a way to justify their remorseless greed. I'm reading a little about the Irish troubles lately, and the degree of cruelty inflicted by man on man and woman is just crushing.
The expectation is that the last three languages left standing will be English, Mandarin and Spanish.
I chuckled when it occured to me that our very last language should be Manglish (the last -ish is the Spanish.)
This is not nearly Milliworthy, but I had to tell someone about the checks and the Manglish.
I got to talking about an older couple I saw pull into a video store, and how when they were born they might not even have had a television. Now they can waste their lives watching any movie they want at any time. (The thing that blew him away was that there was a time when to see a movie you HAD to catch it in the theater. If you missed its two week run, you might NEVER see it. He could hardly imagine what that was like.) So, we got to talking about the ancient of days, or maybe just the senior of days, I guess.
He is working at a major department store as a cashier, and he has been getting a chuckle out of learning that I'm almost the last person on earth who writes checks. Fewer than 2% of his customers write checks.
He says, "Do you know what a check means to me? It means an 'R.'"
He scores a G when he beats the time limit for the transaction, and an R when he fails. It is impossible to "make" the time limit when the customer chooses to write a check.
I laughed out loud to find out the main thing I mean to the average youth of today is guaranteed ... failure.
Not that I'm anachronistic or anything.
And I wear a fedora no less.
And take it off upon entering a building.
There's no hope for me.
The other chuckle came when he pointed out that native languages are dying at the rate of 2 per week, and the rate is accelerating. Now to me, that means that the end is near as we close back in upon the state of man that led to Babel. And I'm already leary of how the Internet is drawing us all so much closer together. Even as I sit here typing, I can't help but think, "No good will come of this."
If only I believed in the basic goodness of man, but I don't. I believe that if you let 6 billion people all communicate freely, they will just come up with some new way to exploit each other and a significant minority of them will find a way to justify their remorseless greed. I'm reading a little about the Irish troubles lately, and the degree of cruelty inflicted by man on man and woman is just crushing.
The expectation is that the last three languages left standing will be English, Mandarin and Spanish.
I chuckled when it occured to me that our very last language should be Manglish (the last -ish is the Spanish.)
This is not nearly Milliworthy, but I had to tell someone about the checks and the Manglish.
27 July, 2007
Minesweeper - The Perfect End
Yes, it had to happen. I got a tough one. 203 seconds into it, there were 9 boxes not yet revealed, and 4 mines somewhere within them. It had been a slow, hard slog. 242 seconds and one guess with the odds, there were 4 boxes left in the exact center of the board. It's almost never that the last boxes are in the center. The whole struggle emanates from that foundational place, and it is always resolved.
Not tonight.
There were 4 boxes in the exact center of the board, and 2 mines hidden within them. The 10 boxes around them were in a perfect pattern, the likes of which I'd never seen. At each of the 4 corners was a flag, and between each flag was a pair of 2's. If you start in the northwest corner, and work clockwise, the pattern was:
flag
2
2
flag
2
2
flag
2
2
flag (again)
The exact mirroring of clues was both unheard of, and crippling. It was mathematically impossible to determine the position of the final mines. That, of course, is not too rare, but to be flummoxed by order instead of chaos? That's some serious hen's teeth there!
The final position of the mines was assuredly at opposite corners. If the NW corner were mined, then the SE corner would also be mined. Or, if the NE corner were mined, then it would be the SW corner that held the other mine.
The trap was perfect.
There were no clues left. All that remained was gut instinct.
And I guessed ...
... wrong.
My life simply cannot be lived by luck. In the words of that most famous of songs, "If it weren't for baaaaad luck I'd have no luck at allllllll."
;-D
Not tonight.
There were 4 boxes in the exact center of the board, and 2 mines hidden within them. The 10 boxes around them were in a perfect pattern, the likes of which I'd never seen. At each of the 4 corners was a flag, and between each flag was a pair of 2's. If you start in the northwest corner, and work clockwise, the pattern was:
flag
2
2
flag
2
2
flag
2
2
flag (again)
The exact mirroring of clues was both unheard of, and crippling. It was mathematically impossible to determine the position of the final mines. That, of course, is not too rare, but to be flummoxed by order instead of chaos? That's some serious hen's teeth there!
The final position of the mines was assuredly at opposite corners. If the NW corner were mined, then the SE corner would also be mined. Or, if the NE corner were mined, then it would be the SW corner that held the other mine.
The trap was perfect.
There were no clues left. All that remained was gut instinct.
And I guessed ...
... wrong.
My life simply cannot be lived by luck. In the words of that most famous of songs, "If it weren't for baaaaad luck I'd have no luck at allllllll."
;-D
23 July, 2007
Evolution of the Eye
Given our recent discussion, I just could not resist quoting this from Scientific American:
I doubt that makes you bust out laughing like it did me, but I love it when impeccable logic is brilliantly conveyed. :-)
After all, a reflex reaction to a poke in the eye does not necessarily mean that eyes had evolved to perceive sudden jabs.
I doubt that makes you bust out laughing like it did me, but I love it when impeccable logic is brilliantly conveyed. :-)
16 June, 2007
Greed Keeps Fear in Check
Despite new market jitters, skewed incentives whet appetites for greater risk. ...
Such were the headline and first sentence of a Wall Street Journal article last Wednesday.
I don't really have anything brilliant to say about this, but ... ummm ... huzzah for the sixth deadly sin?
Such were the headline and first sentence of a Wall Street Journal article last Wednesday.
I don't really have anything brilliant to say about this, but ... ummm ... huzzah for the sixth deadly sin?
13 June, 2007
Bumper Sticker Ideas
Bonobos do it
So it can't be wrong!
So it can't be wrong!
----
Stupid IS
You reading this bumper sticker at 65 mph
---
Just sitting around talking with my son, and those two came to me. Figured I should share them.
---
Also, we were talking about the meaning of life, and how God gives us pain not for the purpose of taking it away, but so that we can prove how great His love is. [Yes, we were talking, not just me soliliquizing.]
He asked, "What about people who just have naturally sunny dispositions?"
I thought for just a second before I answered, "They can't be saved."
He rolled for a solid minute. It was pretty funny.
---
Oh, well. As long as I'm confessing inappropriate jokes, I may as well tell this one too.
Dad: I need that USB memory stick I let you borrow.
Son: Ummm. I.... Ummm. I ate it.
Dad: (It's important to see the somber face, and dead-straight delivery) Then you'd better hurry up and shit me a USB memory stick.
Nothing is funnier than pure shock. He didn't expect me to have an answer, much less one he'd be proud to have thought of.
---
OK. I apologize for doing that to ya'll. You may return to my usual blog.
01 May, 2007
Felina subpodiatritus
My son, in his own inimitable idiom, identified the fact that we are both afflicted with cats under our feet.
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