26 December, 2005

Why am I here again?

On earth, that is.

To learn to trust God.

I own 3 cats. More specifically, I inherited 3 cats. One is my darling. One is cute. One is the dumbest, most aggravating being ever to stalk a crumpled piece of paper. All 3 know exactly why I am here.

They don't "believe" anything about why I am here, they know it. There is no other imaginable purpose for my existence.

I am here to make their dreams come true.

And it's not that this is their purpose for me. They know this is my purpose for me. I want to get up every morning, because that is my chance to meet them at the food bowl. (It's also my chance to meet the cute cat at the toilet for some heavy petting, but I digress.)

As I sit here at the keyboard, with the cute cat slowly sneaking her way into my lap, I see her gazing knowingly into my eyes. Her gaze says, "I know you are waiting for the right time to scratch me between the ears, and that the clicky thing is keeping you from your truest desire, but now - Now - is the moment that you could fulfill your inner desire and bless me." It's not that she is trying to change my desires and will, but that she is trying to educate me how to fulfill my own desire to please her.

And so I find myself a little embarrassed when I recognize my prayers to the Father in her gaze toward me.

I amaze myself because I really do have this little fuzzball's interests in mind, and I am sinful and hardly care for her as I ought. Even so, I know what she needs before she does. (In fact, I know when she really wants food, but settles for affection, and vice versa.)

God astounds me, because He has my best, deepest interests in mind. Still, He will not grant me the "gift" for which I pray until it suits both of our purposes. Just like my cat is purring away in my lap now, even though she is not getting the scratching she really wants, God grants me intermediate graces to hold me over until the time for His planned gift is right. He really wants my best.

Ah, let me carry this just a little further, though my original point is made.

I sometimes worry that I should pray for what God wants. I'm not much of a mind reader, though, and vastly less of a "Mind of God" reader. I know what He has revealed in His Word, and beyond that I'm just guessing.

Grace means I can leave off from the sport of mind reading. I don't expect this silly kitten to wish that this post would turn out well. I just expect her to be happy with what I have given her until I can give her more. I'm sure God understands what He can expect of me. His ways are above mine, but He has declared that I can place faith in them because He is FOR me.

He cares for the sparrows (and I keep the cats inside as much as I can to help Him a little bit.) How much more can I place my trust in Him?

Now, I have kitten who needs her head scratched.

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